So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
