Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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