There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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