I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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