The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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