I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
