i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
