everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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