Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
