You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
