Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
