Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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