I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
