There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize