I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
