You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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