Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
