i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
