Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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