I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
