I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
