im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
