we have officially lost it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I skipped work to stalk him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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