Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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