I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
