Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
