barbara walters just said penis...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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