somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
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She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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