I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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