he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
