Can Purell be used as lube?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
