Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
