sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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