Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
