The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
