i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
