I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
