I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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