That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
