We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
