The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
