Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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