just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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