i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
