i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
