just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
