Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
