you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner