Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?