doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy