oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night