Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed