Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
