im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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