So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You pole danced in your parka.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
