I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
