TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
