Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
