There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
