I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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