I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i will never coherently bang her
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want a musical about memes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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