I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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