In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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